my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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