That's intense
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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