it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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