went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
