i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
