It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
