I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
