dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
