Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
