She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
