I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
