I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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