So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
