You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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