im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
