so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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