I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
