he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
