i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
