i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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