I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
