So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
