just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
