Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How's work?
Spinning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
