and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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