coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
