My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize