If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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