I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
