He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
please come you make the beer taste better
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
