well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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