I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
