Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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