dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
