we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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