but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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