Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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