We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize