Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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