i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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