i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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