I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
