that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
