Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
