I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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