im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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