When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
