Just fell off a train. Bad.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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