Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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