ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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