He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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