we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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