she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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