A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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