tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
