its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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