What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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