Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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