How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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