you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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