don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
