so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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